Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
