ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
