I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
