Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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