If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
