Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
