closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize