We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
