We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He kissed a someone with a penis
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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