Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
