Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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