The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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