Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
