i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I could fuck to npr.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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