How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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