I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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