He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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