for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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