white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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