a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize