his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
