I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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