Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
