I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize