Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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