So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i need some magic done to my vagina
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
