remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
