Did you just see the Batmobile???
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
