My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
