This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
