now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
