so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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