I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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