i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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