So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
