The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
