i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
