well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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