Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
