Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
