Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it glows. i had to have it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
