i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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