Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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