I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i believe in u and ur pee
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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