You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
