so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
