I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
