Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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