i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
