Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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