508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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