erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
