My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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