You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
