I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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