oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
too bad you live with your parents still
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
