It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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