Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
