Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
