Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
