I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
