That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
