The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
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I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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