Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
