I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
