we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
