So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
