So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
