I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
