I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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