I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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