took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.