I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now