Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
